After The Affair – The Urge For Revenge

Many couples reconcile after an affair and continue living together. Outwardly, they have rebuilt the relationship but both the guilty partner and the victim will have some feelings running through their minds as undercurrents. While the guilty partner will continue to suffer from pangs of guilt, the other partner who has forgiven the cheating spouse will be nurturing a strong urge to avenge the betrayal suffered by them.

The urge to take revenge on the cheating spouse is a natural and normally arising feeling. While some people will be able to overcome this feeling and succeed in putting the relationship back on track, others will find it difficult to give up this urge and may strike at an opportune time. Even those, who ultimately overcome the urge to punish their partner for their betrayal, are likely to fantasize about taking revenge on their cheating partner. After all, one can commit even a murder in one’s imagination and get some satisfaction without doing any actual harm to anyone! But the danger is that fantasizing may sometimes strengthen the urge to seek revenge and may lead to your actually doing something unpleasant.

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Interestingly, some people may feel that the best way to wreak vengeance on a cheating spouse is to have an affair. Nothing can give a victim more satisfaction than paying the offender in their own coin. Some people may, even without having an affair, try to mislead their spouse into believing that they have their own affair! Though this may appear to be a harmless revenge, it will have serious implications for the relationship The partner who has repented their infidelity may be led to believe that they have not done anything wrong after all since their spouse is also indulging in the same act. Or, they may feel depressed about having not been accepted or angry at being betrayed by their partner in spite of their sincerity in repenting their indiscretion and returning to the fold of the relationship.

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Another mode of revenge is verbal teasing. You may try to tease your partner through jibes or sarcasm. You may point someone of your sex in a party to your spouse and ask, “He is very handsome, isn’t he?” or “She has a good figure, hasn’t she?” Such remarks insinuate that your partner would have an affair with the person pointed out, if given a chance! And you will derive great satisfaction from the hurt your words would have caused to your partner.

More harmful ways of revenge will include direct accusations, physical assaults, refusing to go out with your partner, refusing to have sex with them or causing them inconveniences, causing damage to their things etc.

The saying ‘There is no hell like the fury of a woman wronged’ will equally apply to a man wronged by his wife.


by Parthasarathy Rengaswami