What is the core emotion, belief system and behaviors that you operate from in your life? This is what makes up your love story and habits of love, which is what your soul has come to learn.
Your soul chooses your personality (introvert, extrovert, the country you were born in, your body, your natural gifts etc) your parents and your life story in order for you to learn how to overcome love challenges.
Sometimes the challenges you face in love and relationships do not make logical sense.
That's when it's helpful to look at the emotions to understand why the soul chose these emotions and what the soul and person has come to learn. Throughstanding, you can give meaning to your suffering, but not suffer from the suffering.
The person also chooses a certain body to learn certain lessons – and this choice is based or what they need to learn or what you need to assist you to learn.
I teach how to listen to and talk with your body and how to balance the emotions so that your love life is released from suffering from old love habits, that don't make you live the love you desire.
In these times of the "shift" from old paradigm to new paradigm, many couples are experiencing high levels of discontent because male and female models are shifting from being fixed to being flexible.
We are still anchored in the heart through love, but male and female roles are being asked to surrender attachment to what we expect the other person to be or perform, so that we can grow into higher forms of love which are not constrained by our society . And instead, connect to universal and unconditional forms of love where we see the whole person and accept them without going into what our mind may think or want the other person to be.
Higher forms of love are now available because the planet is evolving into higher consciousness, which the planet has never had access to before. The 'shift' means relationships are shifting in their dynamics. Couples are being challenged to rise beyond their bickering and mind-chatter to ask what is truly love – for themselves individually – or as a couple. As a consequence old fears (from this life and previous lives) are surfacing where any and all hurts will be re-experienced – so we can let them go, heal, understand and forgive.
Couples at this time have greater support from the higher forms of love now supporting the planet to do this within the relationships. As coach, I help couples and individuals and groups learn about this and teach them how to support themselves and / or their partner as the old hurts come up to be recognized and finally processed.
I do not believe that if someone "fails" at a relationship that they are not loving themselves efficiently or 'enough' or that they are missing a process that will keep their lover or save the relationship. This is what the linear and logical mind would say as a way to measure success by material reality. Love is not measured by experiencing life without pain, breakups, conflict, sadness or happily ever-after. Love is measured by how you respond to upsets, problems, hurts and how you respond and come back to those your love and yourself with ways of accepting hurt, healing it and moving on. Hurts do not disappear without some reflection and awareness. However often forgiveness cannot be forced. Forgiveness starts with a willingness to look at where you have been too hard on yourself and others and resisted the very openness that would allow forgiveness to happen.
Relationships are not staying together because we and our society, fail to provide spaces or opportunities for people to deal with hurt.
So my recommendation to those of you who are looking to shift your relationships to a brighter note and more love is to start first by not pointing fingers at others and what they did, to soften, to feel your own hurt and ask yourself – "what am I feeling "? Then once you allow yourself to feel and sense it, you will notice a softness – perhaps sadness – or a numerous amounts of feelings. Then ask yourself "If I were to be loving to myself, what would I do about this feeling?". That what you start the process of transformation which is not about doing – but rather about transforming the feelings that stop us from feeling able to do, create and be who we are.
Only when we create nurturing approaches and practices to ourselves will the hurt within us be faced and accepted. And then the individual will be able to let it go and come to their relationships with joy, acceptance and a deeper, safer space to be vulnerable and share that with someone who you want deeper intimacy with.
Start asking questions about how you can be more accepting of the parts of yourself that are too quick to criticize, get stressed or expect others to be 'perfect'. The ease you can give yourself, will quickly spread to those you love.