Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They're In A Relationship?

It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren't are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.

This is then typically going to be something that is very black and white. However, while it may seem as though this is the case, this outlook would have very little to do with how things actually are.

An Illusion

In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy on the inside; someone can be in a relationship but it doesn't mean that they are truly in one. Still, from the outside it may appear as though they are in an intimate relationship.

In fact, other people could often wonder what it would be like for them to be in a relationship like this. These people are then going to believe that this person has this area of ​​their life handled, and are going to want to experience the same thing.

Both Ways

Furthermore, someone like this could also believe that they are in an intimate relationship. So, every part of their being is not going to be involved, but they will still see themselves as someone who is in a relationship.

They are then going to share their mind and their body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being won't be fully on a board. This doesn't mean that they won't feel things, though.


Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and heart can spend a lot of time being somewhere else; that is unless their heart has simply retracted. Now, this is not going to be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that one will generally find it hard to be fully present with their partner.

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If their partner doesn't have trouble being present, they might be able to sense that one is rarely, if ever, present. They might not be able to understand what is going on, but they will find it hard to deeply connect with them.

The Clearest Sign

If this is how someone is most of the time, it will be pretty clear that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner shouldn't need any more information in order to realise that something isn't right.

Nonetheless, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it might take a while for them to become aware of this. And even if this was to take place, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they will have played in being drawn to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner.

It's not random

What this comes down to is that they wouldn't have randomly ended up with this person. This is not to say that they consciously chose to end up with them; it will have most likely been something that took place unconsciously.

One way of looking at this would be to say that they were drawn to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is going on and don't get caught up in their inner wounds.

Back To the Main Point

If someone is rarely present it will be clear that something is not right, and there can be other things that also reveal that they are not ready to have an intimate relationship. Through having a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner on a deeper level.

This can then cause the relationship to be very superficial and, thus, to lack the depth that is needed to enable a deeper connection to develop. As a result of this, the relationship might not progress.

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Avoiding Conflict

Once the initial spark has died out and sexual side has settled down, there might not be a lot to hold the relationship together. But if their partner was to talk about how this, one could dismiss what they say.

Another thing that they could do is to walk away if something like this is brought up, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further sign that they are only looking to get their feet wet, so to speak.

An Obvious One

If one was to continually talk about their ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, it is likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their present relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex.

It could go even further than this and one might actually still be sharing their body with their ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit.


Obviously, the only way that someone can change their behavior is they are aware of what is going on and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and they are not willing to do anything about it, it might be in their best interest to walk away.
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If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a deeper look into what is going on for them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.


Source by Oliver JR Cooper