Relationships: Why Do Some People Only Feel Good About Themselves When They’re In A Relationship?

What one may find is that they are able to feel good themselves, even if they are not in a relationship. It will then be clear that they are not going to be dependent on anyone else in order to experience positive feelings.


Being this way is most likely going to stop them from starting a relationship with someone just because they feel down. It could be relatively easy for them to wait until they meet someone who they actually want to be with.

A Different Need

Therefore, if they do end up with someone, it will show that they actually want to share their life with them. Not only will there be an attraction between them, there will be the values that they have in common.

This person is then going to add something to their life, just as one will add something to the other person’s life. Nonetheless, what is exchanged between them won’t be something that they should be providing to themselves.

The Big Difference

Ultimately, one will be behaving like an interdependent human being, as opposed to a dependent human being. There will be what they can give to themselves and there will be what they can’t.

Receiving positive feedback from their partner will naturally have a nourishing effect on them. What will be different here is that the fire that is burning within them won’t go out if this person was to disappear.

An Analogy

One way to understand this would be to imagine that one had a dog before they met this person, they will have a dog when they are with them, and they will have a dog if it comes to an end. This dog will be treated differently throughout these different stages, but it will still be there.

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Their self-worth could take a slight dip if their relationship was to come to an end, but it might not be long until it rises up once again. They are then not going to end up hating themselves at this point.

A Balanced Human Being

In a way, their level of self-worth will serve a as safety net that will stop them from hitting rock bottom if their relationship comes to an end. They will be far more resilient than they would be otherwise.

It may have taken them a number of years to get to this point in their own development. For most of their life, they may have been reliant on someone else; lacking the ability to experience positive feelings.

A Different Scenario

If, on the other hand, one finds that they are unable to feel good about themselves unless they are in a relationship, it is likely to show that they are emotionally dependent on other people when it comes to experiencing positive feelings.

Now, someone like this could end up with just about anyone, or they might be far more selective. Either way, they are bound to end up putting a fair amount of pressure on another person to make them feel good.


Without realising it, one can view the other person as a parental figure. One will then be a child who is missing something and their partner will be an adult who is there to provide what they are messing.

One of the things that will cause one to do what they can do keep the relationship going, will be the fear of what will happen if the relationship was to come to an end. The most important thing, then, is going to be for them to make sure that they are not single.

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A Big Effect

Unlike the person above, one will have a dog when they are in a relationship but they won’t have had one before and they certainly won’t have one after. Being in a relationship is not going to turn up the good feelings that they already experience; it will cause them to experience feelings that they don’t usually experience.

And, as they don’t usually experience these feelings, it is going to be normal for them to become dependent on their partner. This person will be seen as the source of these good feelings.

A Long Way Down

Therefore, if this person was to end the relationship, one is likely to end up feeling very low. To compensate for this, they could end up eating/drinking too much, or they could find someone else to plug the hole that has opened up within them.

If one was to look back on their life, they may find that they have always found it hard to feel good about themselves. What this may illustrate is that their younger years were a time when they didn’t receive the type of care that they need to develop in the right way.


In other words, they may have been abused and/or neglected when they were younger. The most important thing now, though, is that they do something about what is taking place.

With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to heal themselves. It all starts with them taking the first step and not giving up on themselves.


Source by Oliver JR Cooper