Relationships: Why Would Someone Lose Themselves When They Get Into A Relationship?

What someone may find, that’s if they were to get into a relationship, is that they start to lose touch with who they are. So as the weeks and months go by, they will be nothing like they were in the beginning.

Or to be more precise, they will be nothing like the person they were when they first met this person. As a result of this, their life is also likely to be very different to how it was before.

Part of It

Of course, it is going to be normal for one to change and for their life to change when they are in a relationship. Yet, even though this will happen, there is naturally a big difference between there being a change and one becoming someone else and for their whole life to change.

If one was to take a step back and to reflect on what has taken place, they could struggle to understand what is going on. They might not recognise themselves any more or the life that they lead.

At The Start

So, when they first met this person, it would have been normal for them to listen to their own needs and to do things that were in alignment with them. What this means is that one would have had a good connection with their inner world.

Through having this connection, their life would have been an expression of who they were. Or if their life wasn’t how they wanted it, a lot of it would have been a reflection of how they wanted it to be.

After A Little While

After a few weeks or months, one may have started to do what they could to please their partner. Along with this, they may have done what they thought would please their partner.

Therefore, instead of being aware of what was taking place inside them and what was going on around them, they would have been out of touch with what was taking place inside them. This would have meant that they were neglecting themselves and putting their partner’s needs first.

READ ALSO:  Breast Cancer Prevention Tips

A Positive Experience

However, as they were so caught up in doing what they could to please their partner, they probably wouldn’t have realised that they were neglecting themselves. Furthermore, this may have been something that felt good.

Through being easy going and happy to go along with what their partner wanted, they would have most likely received a lot of positive feedback. What was good at one point would then have turned into something bad at another.

One Outlook

If one wasn’t able to step back and to see that they played a part in what took place, they could see themselves as a victim. The other person would then have taken advantage of them.

Coming to this conclusion would allow them to feel good, at least for a short while, but what it probably wouldn’t do is allow them to change their life. Thankfully, they won’t have fallen into this type of thinking.

Getting To the Root

The first thing that one could look into is why they felt the need to focus on their partners needs and to ignore their own. If this hadn’t of taken place, there would have been no reason for them to lose themselves.

And even if their partner had wanted them to do this, they would have been able to assert themselves. They would have been two separate people before they got into a relationship and there was no reason for them to merge with the other person once they got into one.

Going Deeper

The fact that one was happy to please their partner, while completely disregarding themselves in the process most likely shows that not doing so was seen as something that would put their survival at risk. This is not to say that this was something that went through their conscious mind.

READ ALSO:  Relationships: Why Do Some People Fall Apart When A Relationship Comes To An End?

Nonetheless, part of them would have believed that they had to do what this person wanted in order to survive. This part of them could be seen as their child self or inner child.

Two Experiences

So although their conscious mind would have seen this person as just someone who they were attracted to, their unconscious mind would have seen them as a caregiver. What this may show is that it wasn’t safe for them to express their true-self during their early years.

Many years will have passed since that stage of their life, but the child they once were will now live inside them. To this part of them, the only way that it will be able to survive will be to ignore its own needs and to do what other people want.


As one is an adult it obviously isn’t necessary for them to please other people to be able to survive, but until they start to resolve their inner wounds, it will be a challenge to accept this at the core of their being. Until this takes place, this part of them will continue hijack their conscious mind and make it hard for them to listen to themselves.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.


Source by Oliver JR Cooper