Duality in Relationships

What makes a good girl attracted to a bad boy? She was raised in a safe, protected household. Great parents, and had a wonderful social structure. What went wrong? How did she end up dating a guy that’s the OPPOSITE of everything she was groomed to be? She just didn’t seem like the ‘type’ of girl who would want to be with that ‘type’ of guy. Here’s where the ‘dual’ side begins to take shape.

Perhaps the little girl who is now a young lady or a grown woman was not allowed to flourish emotionally and mentally. Her individuality may have been repressed or stifled. She was only allowed to present the personality that was acceptable to those responsible for raising her. She resigned herself to dating tips and advice designed to encourage success in relationships. In reality, she hasn’t been prepared for REAL LIFE. Relationships seldom follow the fairytale path. Monkey wrenches may get thrown in your path and a guy that presented himself as prince charming may turn out to be a frog.

A good girl who dates a ‘bad boy’ may find passion, lust, adventure, and a desire to live with reckless abandon. Family and friends arm themselves with relationship tips and advice that they seem to keep in a blessed bottle, ready to sprinkle on the ‘good girl.’ Sort of reminiscent of a priest exorcising demons. The girl is forced to wrestle with all these issues in her chosen relationship. The opposite side has already evolved.

The fact that her family does not welcome the ‘bad boy’ puts a strain on the union. He may not fit into her social circle and she may find him an embarrassment at times. The dual personality ends up in conflict. The bad boy makes her feel great sexually, and she can really be at ease around him because his expectations of her are not high. His standards are pretty low and he’s feeling lucky to have such a classy, well-educated woman to show off. She dates him because he fulfills her sexual needs and desires. He’s mastered his sexual techniques and allows the ‘good girl’ to explore sex with abandon. Her dual nature is in full effect.

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An intense relationship exhibits itself, and the ‘good girl’ chooses which dual nature to present in any given situation. It’s the way to preserve family ties and keep the ‘bad boy’ in her life. Behind closed doors, what does the ‘bad boy’ see? Gone is the pious, shy, young lady that captured his eye. She’s now evolved into a challenging woman who is determined to have a greater connection with him. She wants the ‘bad boy’ to satisfy all her unfulfilled needs and desires. He’s the one who really knows her heart. He knows the ‘other’ side of her that no one else could ever imagine existed.

Bad boys are usually, though not always, economically unproductive, reckless, unstable in their relationships, prone to cheating, and prone to having children with more than one woman. The ‘good girl’ just can’t seem to walk away from all the unsavory aspects of his life. She stays because he values what she brings to relationship in terms of stability. Financial and non-financial. She makes him ‘look good.’ There’s now structure in his life in terms of goals, and a future together. He may even gain the respect of family and friends.

A life stagnated by routines with the type of man she was intended for, is now a thing of the past. She can breathe. A few curse words are now part of her vocabulary, but that comes with dating a bad boy. Life is full of the unexpected, and she loves it. There’s that sense of excitement and risk that her dual nature has been longing for. I believe there’s duality in all of us. But to what extent should that duality be unleashed? Here are dating tips and advice for good girls who date bad boys.

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1. If you’re dating a man that’s out of your league make sure you find balance. Not all bad boys are really bad. Make certain that he has other positive characteristics you can work with. If he a negative character, involved in negative things, then it’s only a matter of time before the side of you that WANTS that bad boy, controls your psyche. The ‘good girl’ in you could lose her way.

2. Relationships with bad boys shouldn’t be scary or dangerous. Should you find yourself in questionable circumstances, extract yourself while you can. The excitement experienced will eventually manifest into FEAR.

3. Is he controlling, violent, or scary to be around when upset? These are all precursors of worst things to come. If loving him doesn’t help, love yourself more and start over.

4. Great sex, infatuation, excitement, freedom, will fade in time. As you mature and want more out of life, the ‘bad boy’ may not look so good anymore. I believe that two people in a relationship, or married, should grow and mature. If one does, and the other does not progress, it could spell disaster for a bright and prosperous future.

5. It’s not a bad idea for the ‘bad boy’ to enter the world of the ‘good girl’ either. Teach him what you know and he too can make adjustments for the common good. But make sure the bedroom bully in him remains intact. After all, it’s one of the things you love about him.


by Beverley Worrell