One of the keys to a great relationship is emotional transparency. These emotions that are usually not expressed can be the deeper ones like fear, sadness and longing.
Intimacy is about revealing yourself to your partner. In to me I see is just what intimacy is all about.
One needs to learn not to blame your partner for your own emotional reactions. Also it is important to take personal responsibility for your own feelings. If you live with an abusive man you can always leave instead of blaming him or yourself for your situation.
One of the best ways to communicate without the blame mode is to say, “When you did that I felt sad inside. Generally, men need to learn to communicate more about fear, sadness and longing while women need to speak about anger.
Moments of emotional transparency can totally change a relationship for the better. Most of us need some encouragement to be more open. This is because we do not want our partner to react. We depend on our partner for our positive sense of self. We take it easy and do not express what we are really feeling.
When we hide big secrets from our lover, this uses a lot of energy. The art of telling our partner our feelings frees the energy that previously bound up in the efforts to keep those feeling hidden.
Why is it so hard to say I feel hurt or I feel sad? Most of us have not been taught the importance of emotional transparency. Many of us tend to dismiss our feelings and avoid the more negative ones like anger.
However, if you resist feeling the negative feelings you are training yourself not to fully feel the feelings like joy and bliss.
If you fully feel the negative emotions they pass though in 5 to 10 seconds. If you resist feeling these relationships they get stored in your body on some level.
I do not suggest you express your anger to your partner in a physical way. If you get angry, the best thing to say “I feel angry” and “I need some space”. Leave the room and walk, dance or hit the bed to fully express the anger in a safe manner. When you are not triggered anymore, go back and communicate with your partner.
The best question to ask is “Have I talked to any one any significant thing that I have not talked to my partner about”?
It takes courage to commit to being emotional transparent in your relationship. Being able to calm yourself if your partner reacts is a real skill of a mature adult. I like to think of the saying, do not take things personally.
Try to catch your mind when you emotionally react to a situation beyond your control. If you see your reaction you can watch it and notice it will dissolve away in a minute or so. If you breathe deeply and move your body this also helps emotions face away.