Sometimes recurring dreams seen in the childhood get cemented in the memory never to go away. I cannot forget the outstanding Sea Beach House and its striking staircase that led to the second floor from the outside. A terrific memory of an awe-inspiring romance touches my soul and gets me carried away by a familial intense pleasure. Slowly, as I delve into the depths of memory a silhouetted male figure unravels. Gently as the colours of dark grey and black lift, I get a vivid splash of the dewy eyes in despair and emptiness. I drown in tears and wake up with an unknown pent of emotions, a heartache no one can fathom.
Feeling of helplessness surrounds me as I remember him in chaos, gloom and anguish. I could perceive he was all alone, it was getting cold and there was no one to hold. Though the feeling is intimate and existent I remember being just a spectator watching him. My mind suddenly goes racing, am I presently a different persona getting a glimpse of some past event? Though I don’t believe in past life experiences, yet I can’t deny the passionate love I can’t seem to forget. Is it the subconscious’ attempt to bring forth memories to communicate something that had been left unresolved? Is it the cry of a soul that my soul identifies?
I regret, why was he left to see darkness and rain, heartache and pain; nothing but only memories to restore? It hurts to say, harder to ponder how he reminds me of some glorious past while I am for him a sad story. I am falling apart as I see his soul in black abyss waiting for death’s blissful kiss. Was I reckless or did I have no control in life? A voice from my deep inside asks him, ‘Why did you trust life? Life is a fake dream while death is the reality. You trusted me and I broke you like crumbling up a precious piece of paper. Though time is passing by and instances in the memory are also fading away yet undeniably the freshness of your intense love retains its essence.
I know reminiscences don’t let you go either; you still burn & want to hold me once. As the dark defeated the light I could no longer be yours. My breath faded, my eyes closed, it was not in my control. Yes, his insatiable love still searches for me & touches my sub conscious level.